Skip to main content

tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 1, 2014 12:36am-1:37am PST

12:36 am
betty white will be here. in fact, jimmy fallon is coming up right now. ♪ >> steve: from studio 6a in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
>> jimmy: thank you very, very much. hot crowd right now! hot crowd! welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon" everybody. you guys feeling good? [ cheers and applause ] you guys all excited the super bowl is just two days away. [ cheers and applause ] we're all excited here in new york. everyone is making their predictions on who's going to win the big game and get this, a zoo in utah said that it's ape named eli, has chosen -- has chosen the seahawks to win the super bowl. which means peyton manning now has two elis quietly rooting against him. [ laughter and applause ] sorry bro. the nfl announced that veteran referee terry mcaulay will lead the referee crew this sunday. so, if you had him in your referee pool please contact gambler's anonymous at www.gamblersanonymous.org. [ laughter and applause ]
12:38 am
you have a problem! i also read that out of the seven referees calling the game, combined 110 years of experience in the league. that's right. 110 years of experience. all leading up to that one special day where 80,000 fans yell, "you suck!" [ laughter and applause ] appreciate that. thank you very much. i worked hard! i deserve it. speaking of the refs you probably noticed there are a lot of penalties they call throughout the game like offsides, pass interference and stuff like that and there's also a lot of other penalties people don't know about. i'll show you what i mean in a segment called "lesser known penalties." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ lesser known >> jimmy: first up, this is an interesting one. this is called slow end zone dancing. this is when two players celebrate a touchdown by slow dancing in the end zone. usually accompanied by a "kiss from a rose" by seal. [ laughter ] the next penalty you don't see this very often, this is cup stuffing.
12:39 am
it's an embarrassing one nobody wants to be caught stuffing their cup. [ laughter ] next penalty is rarely called, but it still happens. it's called over enjoying tackles. this is when a player gets brutally tackled and then he yells out, "that's what daddy likes." [ laughter ] the last penalty is pretty weird, but it still happens every once and ahwile. it's called "butt cupping." when a congratulatory butt slap lingers for just a bit too long. [ laughter ] those are some nfl lesser known penalties. look for them this sunday during this sunday's super bowl. hopefully it helps you out a little bit. but, if you are going to the big game, be careful. law enforcement officials here in new york are warning football fans, be on the lookout for fake super bowl tickets. >> thanks for the head's up, jimmy. but i think i'll be just fine. sitting first row at the super bowl, baby! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: mark, i think that's a graham cracker. >> and i think that's jealousy,
12:40 am
my friend. [ laughter ] have fun watching the game on tv while i'm sitting at the 50 yard line. >> jimmy: i think you might have gotten ripped off. >> only one who got ripped off was the guy that sold me this ticket for basically, nothing. >> jimmy: how much is basically, nothing. >> $3,000. and the best part is that this ticket is delicious! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i really think you should try to get your money back. do you know where you can find the guy that sold it to you? >> yeah, of course, james? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: work that out after the show. mark and james, everybody. [ applause ] figure that out later. let's see what's happening in washington? yesterday, house republicans unveiled the new plan that would allow undocumented immigrants to become citizens if they learn about american history. which would be great because then they could teach it to americans. [ laughter ] quick, higgins.
12:41 am
quick, who was first president on the moon? >> steve: benjamin franklin? >> jimmy: yeah, that's right. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: check this out. in a new interview, first lady michelle obama said she wants to have a low-key valentine's day this year. so, to that i just want to say -- [ whispering ] barack, don't listen to her. it's a trap. buy her something. [ laughter and applause ] you guys toronto mayor, rob ford is back again. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you got that saxophone? >> steve: yeah, you want it? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ]
12:42 am
>> jimmy: oh, my god. >> steve: hey! sax and violence. awful! >> jimmy: so, sorry. >> steve: awful! >> jimmy: just trying to have some hot sax. >> steve: exactly, whoa! >> jimmy: it's not mine. >> steve: it's a clarinet. >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: it's a clarinet. >> jimmy: oh -- ♪ >> questlove: oh, here you go. bad mic. >> jimmy: toronto mayor rob ford is back in the news. and today there's a picture going around showing ford being tickled by a fellow lawmaker during a budget meeting. look at this! [ laughter ] even elmo is like, gross! ew! [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> steve: oh!
12:43 am
[ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ >> jimmy: double sax! thank you. hey, guys, as you all know by now, super bowl xlviii is this sunday night right here in new york! [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be a great game. we have the seattle seahawks taking on the denver broncos. now, every year at the end of the season they give out awards like most valuable player. but, they also give out awards during the season. sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks like most likely to succeed. class clown. stuff like that. with that in mind time for "late night superlatives." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ late night superlatives >> jimmy: now, we've been doing this bit every week for the whole nfl season. so, by now each given an award to pretty much every player in
12:44 am
the nfl. let's be honest, we've made fun of them. take a look. from the saints is jimmy graham voted most likely to be the love child of barack obama and the lucky charms leprechaun. [ laughter and applause ] we have griff whalen he was voted most likely to do jazz hands after scoring a touchdown. [ laughter and applause ] colin kaepernick he was voted most likely to star in iran's version of "blue's clues." next is three-time pro bowl quarterback aaron rodgers he was voted most likely to be ellen degeneres dressed like a football player for halloween. [ laughter and applause ] so, those guys have been good sports all season long. so, this week we thought we'd let them turn the tables on us and have them give out their own superlative to the people that wrote the jokes to the great writers of "late night with jimmy fallon." so, let's bring out our first
12:45 am
player, he's a super bowl champion quarterback of the green bay packers, give it up for aaron rodgers! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for being here, aaron. all right. whenever you're ready. >> first writer is patrick borelli. and he was voted to be most likely to be legally obligated to tell you if his he's your neighbor. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you aaron. our next player is a three-time pro bowl running back from the houston texans, please welcome, arian foster. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for being here arian. go ahead.
12:46 am
>> we have mike dicenzo. he was voted most likely to be on the tsa "no-fly list." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next player is a super bowl champion quarterback for the new orleans saints, welcome back to the show, drew brees! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: drew brees, whenever you're ready. >> next we have the head writer of "late night" a.d. miles. he was voted most likely to get an erection when the j. crew catalog arrives. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you drew. our next player is also on the
12:47 am
new orleans saints. he's a two-time pro bowl tight end, please welcome, jimmy graham! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great to have you here jimmy, take it away. >> the next writer is mike drucker. he was voted most likely to call his right hand "the missus." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: our next player is a great wide receiver for the indianapolis colts, give it up for griff whalen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for being here, griff. whenever you're ready. >> writer and producer for the show, gavin purcell and he was voted "happiest lesbian." [ laughter and applause ] ♪
12:48 am
>> jimmy: our next player is a two-time pro bowl tight end for the san francisco 49ers. give it up for vernon davis! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you vernon. go right ahead. >> next we have the announcer for "late night" steve higgins. he was voted "most lineally to buy porn magazines in an airport." [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our final player is the star quarterback of the san francisco 49ers, please welcome, colin kaepernick! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for being here colin. go right ahead. >> next we have the host of
12:49 am
"late night" and soon to be host of "the tonight show" jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] he was voted "most likely to get his ass kicked by a 100 nfl players." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on over guys. come on over. i appreciate that. thank you for being good sports. you guys rock. thank you for helping us out, guys. and because the nfl's been so generous to us we're doing a give-away here on our show right now. everyone, look at your seat number. and if i call it out, you're going home with two tickets to the nfl honors at radio city music hall this saturday night as well as two tickets to the super bowl! [ cheers and applause ] who wants to go to the super bowl? [ cheers and applause ] 320!
12:50 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] oh, look which one of you guys did it. you all backed away. oh, my god. lucky man. oh, my god. you guys have been a good sports all season. i love you guys. thanks for that. we'll be right back with "late night" everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] it's a new year. time to complete your bachelor's or master's degree and prepare for a new career. with devry university's merit-based career catalyst scholarship you can. apply by february 28th
12:51 am
for up to $20,000 for qualifying new students. with this scholarship you could be on your way. in 2012 90% of our associate and bachelor's grads actively seeking employment had careers in their field within 6 months. make this your year. start at devry.edu. apply by february 28th. just mix it with water and let it sit. ♪ can we have some friends over? yeah, can we? ♪ yeah, can we? is your hair so dry... it's for the birds? discover the all-new look of triple nutrition from garnier fructis for a total transformation. the nourishing formula restores hair with every use. get touchable-softness and spectacular shine. fructis triple nutrition with the quicksilver cash back card from capital one, it means unlimited 1.5% cash back on everything you purchase, every day.
12:52 am
it doesn't mean, "everything... as long as you buy it at the gas station." it doesn't mean, "everything... until you hit your cash back limit." it means earn 1.5% cash back on every purchase, every place, every occasion, all over creation. that's what everything should mean. so consider... what's in your wallet? [ male announcer ] may your lights always be green. [ tires screech ] ♪ [ beeping ] ♪ may you never be stuck behind a stinky truck. [ beeping ] ♪ may things always go your way. but it's good to be prepared... just in case they don't. toyota. let's go places, safely. fritos chicken enchilada melt at subway. wait a minute. the fritos go on the sub? cruncha muncha on that. [ male announcer ] with tender pulled chicken, authentic enchilada sauce and fritos corn chips on top.
12:53 am
new fritos chicken enchilada. subway. eat fresh. using night-vision goggles to keep an eye on my spicy buffalo wheat thins. who's gonna take your wheat thins? i don't know. an intruder, the dog, bigfoot. could you get the light? [ loud crash ] what is going on?! honey, i was close! it's a yeti! [ male announcer ] must! have! wheat thins! we believe that everything can be improved, and we mean everything. we love to do things, and when we get to make them better, it just feels fantastic. that's why we pushed ourselves to create new and improved degree motionsense, the only antiperspirant that releases extra protection when you move. it keeps you fresher even as secret fades. protection improved. so you can do more.
12:54 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:55 am
>> jimmy: that's my man, justin vernon from bon iver sitting in with the roots tonight. [ cheers and applause ] good to have you back here, pal. i just love you. he's just in town. he's like, "yeah, i'll come hang out with you guys tonight." that was super cool of you, and this is our last sit-in before we switch over to "the tonight show," which is right down the hall. so you're the last guy to sit in with the roots on "late night." [ cheers and applause ] it's an honor to have you here, buddy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i should remind everybody. those of you who are staying up late and watching our show, tomorrow night on nbc at 8:00, they're going to show "the best of late night." so for all the people really -- if you haven't seen our show and want to see what we do on the show and all the fun stuff -- kids, tell your parents to stay up tomorrow night, 8:00 p.m. they can watch. they can watch what we do here at night. we have a fun show tonight. he's one of the most famous athletes in the world. david beckham is here! [ cheers and applause ] he's a stud. >> steve: he is a stud. >> jimmy: david and i are going
12:56 am
to go head-to-head in a game of egg russian roulette later on the show, yeah. [ cheers ] plus, he's a great, great comedian and host of "inside comedy" on showtime. david steinberg is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from busta rhymes! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: woo-hah! >> jimmy: woo-hah! he and the roots warmed up last night at the bud light hotel super bowl party, and it was good, huh? >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: everyone's talking about it. i saw on twitter. they were going nuts. and busta and the roots are going to do a little busta rhymes medley. [ cheers ] one of them -- can you give us a hint? one of them -- >> steve: whoo-hah! >> questlove: perhaps. >> jimmy: yeah. i got you all a check. [ laughter ] i can do an impression, too. yeah, yeah. no, i can't. all right, i can't wait. this is a fun show. today is friday and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, return some e-mails and, of course, send out thank you
12:57 am
notes. i was running a bit behind. [ cheers and applause ] so i thought, if you don't mind, i'd like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that fine with you? can i do it? [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] oh, yeah, he knows something. he's upset about that -- >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, justin bieber, for getting arrested again. drunk driving, drugs and assault. keep it up and some day you can be mayor of toronto. [ cheers and applause ] best picture -- best picture i've ever seen. >> steve yeah, ever. >> jimmy: best picture ever. >> steve: thank you for that, canada. >> jimmy: god, i love that photo. it's just awful. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, pope francis, for releasing two peace doves that were immediately attacked by other birds. on the bright side, you got to
12:58 am
hear what it sounds like when doves cry. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: -- envelope. >> steve: yeah, i know. envelope, yeah. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: totally naked. >> steve: totally naked. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, totally -- >> steve: surrounded by smoke. and purple rain. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, bakeries that offer discounts on their items at the end of the day, for basically saying, do you want to buy our garbage? [ laughter ] [ applause ] going to throw it out. get you 50 for five bucks. >> steve: or wait two seconds and peel off this plastic bag. >> jimmy: thank you, the seattle seahawks, for being the original "angry birds." [ laughter and applause ]
12:59 am
>> steve: that's what those doves didn't do. they didn't see hawks. [ laughter ] ♪ rob ford. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the phrase "are you busy," for being a polite way to say, here comes some work that you definitely don't want to do. [ laughter ] you busy, teresa? yeah? ♪ thank you, canned tuna, for being a great way to say, i'm in the mood for fish but i'm even more in the mood to eat like a cat. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: it's fancy feast. meow, meow! [ gagging sounds ] [ laughter ] [ fart sound ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, nutri-grain
1:00 am
bars, for being less a bar and more like a fruit roll-up if it was thrown into a shake and bake bag. there you go. those are our thank you notes. we'll be right back with david beckham. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [announcer] welcome to the all-new intuit quickbooks. do more than ever before with it. make any place your place of business with it. get paid faster with it. run payroll with it. sync this stuff with that stuff with it. make more time for what you love with it. turn on only what you need with it. sample from our smorgasbord of apps with it. take in the big picture with it. see your finances in a whole new way with it. this is your business on the all-new quickbooks. run with it. ♪ [ male announcer ] bob's heart attack didn't come with a warning. today his doctor has him on a bayer aspirin regimen
1:01 am
to help reduce the risk of another one. if you've had a heart attack, be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen. if you've had a heart attack, be sure to talk to your doctor yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. your taste buds dancing.
1:02 am
it's the jolly rancher, we make it happen. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
1:03 am
[ female announcer ] at 100 calories, not all food choices add up. some are giant. some not so giant. when managing your weight, bigger is always better. ♪ ho ho ho ♪ green giant tomato florentine soup, it took a little time to get it just right. [ ding ] ♪ but finally, it happened. perfection. at progresso, we've got a passion for quality, because you've got a passion for taste. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not only is our first guest one of the best soccer players to ever play the game -- he's also a fashion designer. his collection of david beckham body -- [ cheers ] calm down!
1:04 am
calm down, ladies! i also have a line of -- no, just kidding. [ laughter ] david beckham bodywear is available now at h & m stores everywhere. you've probably seen the ad. look at this guy. i mean, come on. [ cheers ] ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, david beckham. here he is! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to our show. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: uh, it's your first time. uh, we've had your wife on the show before. how's the family? everyone doing good? >> yeah, they're doing great. they're all in london at the moment. the kids are at school so, uh, everything's, uh, really good. >> jimmy: do they -- they play soccer? the kids? >> yeah, all three of the boys, uh, play soccer and, uh, last time we was in l.a., about six months ago, my little girl started playing, so it was -- >> jimmy: you have the whole
1:05 am
family playing it. >> yeah, so the whole family's playin' it. >> jimmy: now, do they feel pressure because your, your dad's, like, david beckham? [ laughter ] >> um -- i think the oldest does but the other two boys just play freely and opposite the little girl who doesn't really know what i do or what i did so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how old is she? >> she's two and a half. [ audience awws ] >> jimmy: aw, cute, that's awesome. do you ever coach anything or referee? >> um, i haven't coached but, a funny story. i was watching one of my sons play the other day. romeo. the middle son. and he, um -- uh, the referees didn't turn up. so all the dads were looking over to me as if to say -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: time to step in. >> yeah, good one. >> jimmy: yeah, you know a little bit about the game. >> yeah. so i'd avoided it all season but then obviously, last game of the season. i thought i should do it and romeo really wanted me to do it. so i started refereeing the game and they were winning 4-1. um, and then one of the -- >> jimmy: yeah, right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. you gotta do what you gotta do, yeah. >> but then one of the opposing players was running through and i could see romeo chasing him and he ran into the penalty area. and romeo went to make the
1:06 am
tackle and he missed the ball but took the player down. so then all of the dads on our team are looking at me and saying, "don't give it." and then all the other dads are looking at me saying, "that's a definite penalty" so i had to give the penalty. >> jimmy: no! to your own son? >> against my own son. [ audience awws ] >> and i didn't look around to him at the time so they took the penalty. thankfully, i shouldn't say it, but thankfully, they missed. um -- and as we're running back up the field, romeo ran past me and he was crying and he said, "daddy, i can't believe you just did that to me." [ audience awws ] >> jimmy: that's why you don't do that stuff, right? >> that's why i'm not gonna do it. >> jimmy: just don't do it anymore. >> no. >> jimmy: sorry, romeo. yeah, you were wrong though. uh, but -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i gotta say, we mention your name and everyone just goes bonkers. they love screaming for you. elle or in new york city, i've never seen bigger billboards for any -- [ cheers ] -- human being in my life. and it's very successful. david beckham bodywear. did you ever think you would be getting into the fashion business?
1:07 am
>> uh, no, i didn't. >> jimmy: yeah. >> um, but obviously, since i stopped playing now, i've got some time on my hands. >> jimmy: yeah, that's true. yeah. >> um, so i thought, "why not?" >> jimmy: why not? >> but it's, you know, it's gone really well. it's something that is very personal to me because -- i created it from scratch and that's something i'm proud of. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's been very successful. >> jimmy: they're really comfy. >> they're really comfy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm wearing it right now. [ cheers ] >> you serious? >> jimmy: serious. >> are they good? >> jimmy: yeah. i thought they would be good. [ bands plays seductive music ] >> jimmy: can't get another pair. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all i'm gonna show. >> they look good. they look good. >> jimmy: do they zip up? okay. are you wearing them? >> yes, i am. [ cheers ] [ bands plays seductive music ] >> mine are on the front though.
1:08 am
>> jimmy: yeah, i don't know -- i don't know how they do it. >> jimmy: perfect. alright, good. you were, you were doing a thing now. i think -- a commercial. thank you. yeah, we got away with that. [ laughter ] you're doing a thing that, i think, is going to be the future of commercials. on the super bowl, they're doing the thing where you can choose the ending of the commercial. so it's for h&m, for bodywear, it's called "covered or uncovered." it's a hashtag thing for twitter. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you can -- i think i know what's going to win, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, why even have the contest? i mean, really. but you get to vote on it so if everyone votes "covered", i can't wait to see it. but here's a clip of the ad so you can see what, what to do. ♪ ♪ [ warping sound ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: alright so that's covered. yeah. [ cheers ] "covered or uncovered." you choose it during the super bowl.
1:09 am
uh, when we have guests on we like to challenge them to a game. uh, would you like to play a fun game with me? >> of course. >> jimmy: you stick around. david beckham and i are gonna play egg russian roulette when we get back. come on back everybody! ♪ i need proof of insurance. that's my geico digital insurance id card - gots all my pertinents on it and such. works for me. turn to the camera. ah, actually i think my eyes might ha... next! digital insurance id cards. just a tap away on the geico app. could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know that when a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, it does make a sound? ohhh...ugh. geico. little help here. using night-vision goggles to keep an eye on my spicy buffalo wheat thins. who's gonna take your wheat thins? i don't know. an intruder, the dog, bigfoot. could you get the light? [ loud crash ] what is going on?! honey, i was close! it's a yeti! [ male announcer ] must! have! wheat thins!
1:10 am
honey, i was close! it's a yeti! almond breeze almondmilk makes everything good even better... from the bowls of cereal you make... to all the delicious recipes you bake. because inside every carton is the goodness of blue diamond almonds. so grab a carton of almond breeze. almondiciously good! we had a crv and then we had the pilot. you got more with the ford escape... i'm glad we got the escape and we switched. yay! for me, it was driving the ford escape... it's that foot-activated liftgate... and i don't have to do all this... yeah, i'm filling up a lot less than i did with my honda... woooh! if you were to compare the honda crv to this... i definitely like the ford better... awesome! (laughs)
1:11 am
try head & shoulders for men. you can reach polamalu levels of flake-free scalp and hairness. check it. ♪ seven benefits every bottle. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders for men. [ male announcer ] we would never break up the marriage of peanut butter and chocolate. we just think it's time to make it more interesting. if you like peanut butter and chocolate, you'll love peanut butter and snickers. try snickers peanut butter squared. to "you are here."man, you'll love peanut butter and snickers. "that life exists and identity." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." what will your verse be?
1:12 am
1:13 am
[ man ] yo buzz! drop that beat! remix! ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ ♪ you got that medley crunch ♪ go! go! buzz! ♪ go! go! go! buzz! ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ clusters, flakes ♪ that medley crunch, crunch! ♪ clusters, flakes ♪ that medley crunch, crunch! go! ♪ ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ hey! you got that medley crunch ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪
1:14 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with david beckham, and we're going head to head in egg russian roulette. higgins, would you like to explain how this works? >> steve: of course, james! [ light laughter ] here in my hat. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what happened to your voice? >> steve: i have a dozen eggs! >> jimmy: all right. i'm right in front of you. >> steve: it looks amazingly like soccer balls. [ audience ohs ] in honor of you, mr. beckham. eight of them have been hard boiled. four are completely raw. you look lovely. david! we'll take turns selecting one egg at a time and smashing it upon your head. you don't know which eggs are raw or which ones are hard boiled, so once you choose an egg, you must smash that egg on your head. no put-backs. [ light laughter ]
1:15 am
the first one to smash two raw eggs on their head loses. david, as a guest of the show, you will choose the first egg. [ laughter ] buena fortuna! >> jimmy: you sure? >> no, i'm not sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good luck, buddy. >> okay. [ audience ohs ] [ sad tuba ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> okay. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. oh, man. >> steve: good luck, james. >> jimmy: yeah! [ applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: choose wisely.
1:16 am
>> jimmy: that's the one? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, i did it. ♪ >> steve: round and round she goes. [ cheers ] [ audience oohs ] [ sad tuba ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. felt like it was hard boiled. so mad! [ laughter ] >> steve: one-to-one. >> jimmy: my toupee, i got to get a new toupee. [ light laughter ] >> i think i'm good. >> jimmy: yeah? >> i think so. >> jimmy: you did it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i have a messy show, man. >> steve: one in eight chance. [ laughter ]
1:17 am
>> jimmy: i love you, dude. >> i love you, too. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah! two of them! whoo-hoo! >> i think i'm going to get it. [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: don't like my chances. >> steve: one in five. >> oh, cute! [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: this one? [ cheers ] thanks for coming on my show, buddy. take care. [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ applause ] whoa! >> steve: two of these are raw. two are hard-boiled. choose! >> jimmy: good to see ya, buddy.
1:18 am
take care, man! yeah! [ cheers ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: oh, so sorry! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] my thanks to david beckham. log on to h&m's website to cast you vote to choose the outcome of the david beckham bodywear commercial. david steinberg joins us next. you're a good sport. thank you, buddy! >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] let's go places. but let's be ready. ♪ let's do our homework. ♪ let's look out for each other. let's look both ways before crossing. ♪ let's remember what's important. let's be optimistic. but just in case -- let's be ready.
1:19 am
toyota. let's go places, safely. got some pudding back there? puzzles, blocks, abc's. i'm wrecked. tomorrow will be easier. i have to go back? better make it a double. ♪ better make it a double. is your hair so dry... it's for the birds? discover the all-new look of triple nutrition from garnier fructis for a total transformation. the nourishing formula restores hair with every use. get touchable-softness and spectacular shine. fructis triple nutrition aflac! got 'em. ♪ yeah, he's clean, boss. now listen to me, duck. i have an associate that met with, uh, an unfortunate accident. while he's been incapacitated, somebody's been paying him cash. now, is this your doing? aflac? now, if i met with some such accident, would aflac pay me? ♪ nice. this is your stop.
1:20 am
[ male announcer ] find out what aflac can do for you and your family... aflac? [ male announcer ] ...at aflac.com. fritos chicken enchilada melt at subway. wait a minute. the fritos go on the sub? cruncha muncha on that. [ male announcer ] with tender pulled chicken, authentic enchilada sauce and fritos corn chips on top. new fritos chicken enchilada. subway. eat fresh. powerful deodorants can result in irritation to the underarm. [ gasps ] [ male announcer ] use dove men+care instead, the one with 48-hour sweat and odor protection in a non-irritant formula, tough on sweat, not on skin. a small amount evaporates. this is the angel's share, gone forever. but some liquid stays trapped deep inside the wood. this is the devil's cut. we've made history by extracting it.
1:21 am
a richer, full flavored bourbon. devil's cut from jim beam.
1:22 am
a richer, full flavored bourbon. one of the best things is that millions of peopleia will qualify for financial assistance. it's important to remember that the lower your annual income, the greater financial assistance you will receive. enroll now at coveredca.com. this is the creamy chicken corn chowder. i mean, look at it. so indulgent. did i tell you i am on the... [ both ] chicken pot pie diet! me too! [ male announcer ] so indulgent, you'll never believe they're light. 100-calorie progresso light soups. [ male announcer ] you say tomato. ♪ old el paso says diced tomato stand 'n stuff chicken tacos. ♪ you say what's for dinner? old el paso says start somewhere fresh.
1:23 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a comedian, director and host of the critically acclaimed showtime series "inside comedy" which returns for its third season monday at 11:00 p.m. the same night at 9:30 p.m., showtime will air the u.s. premiere of the documentary about this gentleman. the documentary is called "quality balls: the david steinberg story." [ laughter ] please welcome, david steinberg, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
1:24 am
>> jimmy: david steinberg, welcome back to the show. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: and i want to say thank you for letting me be part of, "inside comedy" this season. that was a blast. >> thank you! you're on my first show. >> jimmy: i'm the first show? >> yes, yes. which is, uh, monday night. >> jimmy: yep. >> with zach galifianakis. >> jimmy: oh, it's with me and zach galifianakis? >> yes. >> jimmy: aww, that's a good show. i had so much fun talking to you. >> that was great. >> jimmy: you're an easy guy to talk to. and, i know you from your years of being a stand-up and, a great comedian. and, so just talking about comedy and i just love that stuff. >> yeah. and this is so nostalgic for me. this place here. >> jimmy: i need to -- did you see the new studio across the hall? >> i haven't but, but that's where the studio was. is that right? is this -- >> jimmy: yeah. no, this was where, letterman was here and conan o'brien was here. uh, and then, but across the hall is where we originally started. that was where -- johnny carson was. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and that's where we're going to bring it back to. >> that's, that's amazing. >> jimmy: crazy. it's right down the hall.
1:25 am
[ cheers and applause ] you actually -- did i read this right? you were a guest on johnny carson's show 140 times? >> yes. amazing. [ applause ] >> jimmy: how is that -- that's insane. >> because you could call me in the last minute. i was always unprepared. [ laughter ] i mean, he's unprepared anyway. let's get him. he won't be nervous. >> jimmy: yeah, you've got nothing to sell. >> but, you know, i get a little nervous about that studio because -- i had only done the show here in new york, like, three times. three or four times. >> jimmy: you guest hosted? >> no, no. i guested. >> jimmy: oh, you guested. >> three or four times. and i'm in my 20s. i've done it three or four times. >> jimmy: yeah? >> and at the end of the fourth show, johnny said, "you show, johnny said, "you know, it's hard for me to do this show and on monday nights, i'm starting, i'm gonna start to take off. do you want to host it?" so, i, i said, "what do you mean, 'host it?' [ light laughter ] i didn't even know -- it didn't even compute. so, anyway -- i ended up hosting the show. you know. >> jimmy: you hosted the tonight's show? >> the tonight show. after, like, it was my fifth appearance. >> jimmy: no way! >> and, and the show at that
1:26 am
time was 90 minutes. that's a long time to be on the air. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. we only do an hour. yeah. >> yeah. if you have four guests -- >> jimmy: and that's already too long. yeah, i mean, people already -- [ laughter ] people wanna cut me back to 45 minutes. >> yeah. so if you have four guests, 90 minutes you have seven guests. and so, for me -- and you have to know what the stories are, what the questions are. they wanna -- they were very organized in those days. you have to know everything as the host. and so, i got through it. there were big stars and i'm going, asking the questions that i'm supposed to and it feels like it's going good and all that and it's exhausting. and finally, i have one guest left. and that was elaine stritch. >> jimmy: oh yeah. >> yeah. and elaine stritch was a great, is a great broadway star. >> jimmy: yeah. >> still around. and she was tough. known to be tough. so i gotta get to the notes to find out what the questions are. and the producer, woody tasch, comes up. said, "david, there are no notes for elaine stritch. you won't have to worry about it.
1:27 am
i was with her all day. >> jimmy: oh no. >> she, she'll, she'll talk about her mar -- just ask her about her marriage and she will go! [ light laughter ] so -- i was so relieved. so she came on. you know, i say, elaine, it's great to see you." "good to see you", you know. and she already has an attitude going for -- [ laughter ] for, for no reason whatsoever. >> jimmy: she's already mad. >> that's how it is. and so i think i better go to it right away. so i say, "elaine, you know, i don't anything about your marriage" and she said -- "marriage? i talked to the producer all afternoon about marriage. i'm not going talk to you about it!" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he got the interview. yeah. and you're like -- >> he got the interview! >> jimmy: now what do we do? yeah. >> i had -- i didn't know anyt -- i had no -- i said -- "what's your favorite color?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, that's a great interview. yeah. that's fantastic. what's your favorite color?
1:28 am
[ laughter ] >> i don't have one. >> jimmy: yeah, uh, david steinberg. "quality balls:the david steinberg story" airs on showtime, monday at 9:30 p.m. followed by the season premiere of "inside comedy." i'm on it! busta rhymes performs next, c'mon back everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ho ho ho
1:29 am
[ female announcer ] at 100 calories, not all food choices add up.
1:30 am
some are giant. some not so giant. when managing your weight, bigger is always better. ♪ ho ho ho ♪ green giant tomato florentine soup, it took a little time to get it just right. [ ding ] ♪ but finally, it happened. perfection. at progresso, we've got a passion for quality, because you've got a passion for taste. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a hip-hop icon. who has a great new single out now called "thank you," which features q-tip, lil wayne, and kanye west. but, tonight he's here to play a couple of his classics with a little help from the roots.
1:31 am
please welcome busta rhymes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> okay. okay. if you ready to have a good time tonight? we are gonna start it off like this. everybody get up out your seats. ain't no sitting down in here. get up. get up. let's go. let's go. ♪ swagmania pop that goes most carry the most beautiful women with us happily toast ♪ ♪ keep the faculty close gross when we give 'em a dose got 'em od'n leanin ♪ ♪ in each coast scenary froze take notes rock most diamonds ♪ ♪ that fit us chanel minks in the winter who messin with us ♪ ♪ we comin to give 'em the shivers watery flows spillin like rivers ♪ ♪ floodin the street hopin brothas are swimmers movin gorillas, king kongs godzillas when we roll up ♪ ♪ seat fillas get up when i show up i wanna thank you hey heavenly father ♪ >> we all need to know that we are very grateful to be here tonight. if you feel good.
1:32 am
let me hear you say hell yeah! >> audience: hell yeah! >> say hell yeah! >> audience: hell yeah! >> okay here we go! ♪ ay yo i step correct woo-hah got you all in check don't ever disrescpect ♪ ♪ woo-hah i got you all in check put your hands in the air and get it right ♪ ♪ got you all in check and when we come through don't ever disrespect i got you all in check ♪ >> here we go. ♪ >> yeah. its busta rhymes y'all. >> i want to see you put your hands up. we got the roots. check it. ♪ hit you with no delayin so what you sayin yo silly with my nine milli ♪ ♪ what the deally yo when i be on the mic yes i do my duty yo wild up in the club ♪ ♪ like we wild in the studio you don't wanna violate really and truly yo ♪
1:33 am
♪ my main thug named julio he moody yo type of brother that'll slap you ♪ ♪ with the tool-io scared to death act fruity yo look at shorty ♪ ♪ she a little cutie yo the way she shake it make me wanna get all in the booty yo whoo ♪ ♪ top miss just hit the bangin bitches in videos whylin with my freak ♪ ♪ like we up in the freak shows hit you with the make you feel it ♪ ♪ all in your toes yeah out on my people in wet clothes stylin my metaphors ♪ ♪ when i formulate my flows and if you don't know you messing with ♪ ♪ lyrical player pros do you really wanna party with me let me see just ♪ ♪ what you got for me put all your hands where my eyes can see straight buckwhylin ♪ ♪ in the place to be if you really wanna party with me let me see just ♪ ♪ what you got for me put your hands where my eyes can see straight buckwhylin ♪ ♪ in the place to be if you really wanna party with me ♪ ♪ word around town i'm the man man stadium packed full of fans ♪ ♪ this will all fit so imma scram quarter back drum touch down ♪ ♪ touch touch touchdown touch touch touchdown
1:34 am
touch touch touchdown take it to the air ♪ ♪ or the ground took a loss had a on slim fast now i'm moving weight ♪ ♪ like gym class broke her down every bag like sinbad how i get this ♪ ♪ bread mind your bizness set it on sight and i go half price dough got my bread ♪ ♪ on your head no lights wrap it up good no smell that's right cut the box open no jordan that's fly ♪ ♪ real look good so i'm stackin numbers next morning another trackin number ♪ ♪ looking for a bad i can bust down trickin off field go i need a touchdown ♪ ♪ word around town i'm the man man stadium packed full of fans ♪ ♪ this will all fit so imma scram quarter back drum touch down ♪ ♪ touch touch touchdown touch touch touchdown touch touch touchdown take it to the air ♪ ♪ or the ground hah touch touch touchdown touch touch touchdown touch touch touchdown ♪ ♪ take it to the air
1:35 am
or the ground hah throw ball like throw ball like ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the way to do it. that's the way to do it. that's the way to do it right there. busta rhymes! "thank you" is available on itunes right now. my thanks to david beckham, david steinberg, busta rhymes once again! [ cheers and applause ] justin vernon we love you. and the greatest band in "late night" the roots everybody. stay tuned for carson daly. thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope we see you next week. bye bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
1:36 am
♪ >> carson: hey what's up? carson daly here with tonight's original "last call." now, we've got a little comedy for you, a little rock and roll. but first, we're going to take a look one of the most acclaimed documentaries of the year. "blackfish" tells the story of tilikum, a killer whale responsible for the deaths of three individuals while in captivity. it's an incredible film and it will be the focus of the "last call spotlight." take a look. ♪ >> i think there is something incredible and maybe a little bit scary about a story that's hiding in plain sight. this was a story we all read about. we saw it, you know, on cnn. we saw it on nbc, we saw it everywhere and we were like, "oh that was very tragic, okay." and then we all moved on.

2,075 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on